On ParentingThis week I vowed to never again make excuses to my children on their father's behalf. I reached out and asked that he spend some time with the children so that I could have a moment to regroup and he (with the writing assistance of his partner) responded with such absolute disdain. What I didn't realize years ago was that it wouldn't be enough to leave, that there would be stages of letting go. The kids and I sat down and talked and they were so clear, so sweet. I got that text and it made me feel strong again. I had been feeling so tired and just frustrated and losing sight of my goals and the faith that I could achieve them. I had held out some belief that he cared about them and in the span of a text he told me that he didn't and that there would be no more pretending. ...and the matter was settled. I would never again need to waste any energy trying to protect and nourish the relationship between father and child. One less thing on my shoulders. My prayer is to be enough.
UpliftIt's been an exhausting week and what lies before me seems to be so much more than what is within me. I know this shouldn't be. For a moment I was distracted but it served to remind me what it is that I really want. I see it now. For a moment I stepped out of survival mode and knew with absolute clarity. I was able to see beyond this moment...
HomeThe house is a mess! In a moment I will make a cup of tea and start cleaning. I have to do dishes and vacuum and wipe down counters... but perhaps the most important thing I have to do is to write a manual for my children. I am looking forward to it. I am going to write a reference book that explains to them how to clean the house and how to maintain access to their freedoms and technology. I wrote explicit instructions for my daughter once, to be funny but she was so thankful that I decided that I need to write the book.
blah, blah, blah... I'm trying to keep writing but there is work to do ALWAYS! 'ugh