Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Cycle

Saturday is downhill and though there is much to do, the things that I have to do affect mostly me and mine.  On Saturdays work must remain at work.  On Saturdays I am housewife, or house... I am slave.  I cook, I do laundry and clean the house.  

So so frustrated at constantly begging my children to do their chores, last night I told them - "No work, no eat."  My son cleaned his room nicely.  He separated and organized his toys and made the beds.  My daughter, on the other hand, has just been walking around an emotional wreck and begging for her sister's help.  I am not sure that she can identify neat.  I always go behind her and fix her work.  I have decided that I won't do that anymore.   I won't let her sister help her because her little sister does more work than she does and I don't have to ask her 100 times to do it.  I told her that she must clean their room alone but that her little sister will help her to maintain it.  She's hungry.  Last night I almost folded - again, but I'm sticking to my guns.  She must develop an understanding of the relationship between work and reward.  

Even these days are a struggle but without the feeling that I am hanging over the edge of a cliff.  During the week I am constantly aware of the fact that if I fail there is no safety net.  I am in the house not worried about whether the car will start or not.   I don't have the money to fix it right now and EVERYTHING depends on our car.   

A few weeks ago the kids and I picked out a new car - our fantasy life.  They decided what movies they would watch in it and where they would sit.  We talked about the places that we would go.  It was a wonderful few moments so now I work at trying to make those moments a reality.  I have the slightest outline of a plan...

As I go into Sunday I have to slip into work mode and belong more to my job than my kids and I am on the upside of the circle again pushing myself, refocusing on the moment so that I don't get that feeling of overwhelmed panic.

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