Sunday, June 23, 2013


I don't know if this is true but I like it so I've decided to believe it.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

It's all Pointless

I've had a couple of tired grey days, passionless days.  I sat on the balcony and absorbed a little sun and cleaned the kitchen but I was losing the will to do anything.

This was an older post but I was feeling so grey that I couldn't write and so I saved it as a draft.  I just thought I'd post it because this is so true.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Just one of Those Days...


It's payday!!!!...aaaaand it's gone.

I have to pay a $450 car payment, something toward the electric bill,  buy food, get gas and the next check is all rent so the food I buy has to last a month. I need to commute all next week but after that I don't need to leave the house at all except to go on walks for exercise. I'm feeling my stress level rise.  Add to that, that one of my children only owns boots and another has only 1 pair of shorts and I am thrown totally off balance.  I have no place to escape to get my thoughts and emotions in order either.

I have some books to read and that should help I need to find a corner in which to meditate.  I am really not okay right now.  I need to keep everything going but it would be so nice if I could actually pay something off or catch up on my bills.  I am going to start paying a whopping $10 a check toward the little one's hospital bill and as small as that is, we will feel it.  Looking out over the summer I don't see things improving and at the end of the summer I have to find a way to factor in child care for three.

What I need to do is to prioritize.  I want to buy a home and I can't seem to move forward at all.  I pay $1,675 for rent, more than half my monthly take home pay, with none of the benefits of renting or of ownership.  I am feeling overwhelmed.  I need to do something, but what?  I wonder if anyone would hire me for the rest of the summer but I don't want to go into the new school year already tired and still burnt out.  Last year was tough.  Also the cost of childcare is always more than the pay from a super part-time job.

I was almost sure that I wouldn't want to teach again.  I see education so differently than those who are telling us how it should be done.  Or rather their words are nice but when they put those words into effect it is just more of the same, words and paper, words and paper blah, blah, blah.  If you can't keep my attention and I want to be there how the %&$ are you going to help some children?  I think people don't tap into their inner child.  They are just sold on each new thing that comes along as long as there is some reason behind it, any reason.  I'm frustrated by it but the questions for which I have the answers are never asked.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

 I took a walk with my son today.  These are some of the things we saw.  I made a wrong turn and we walked much farther than planned.  Oh yeah, EXERCISE!  

Sent from my HTC

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Sent from my HTC

Thursday, June 13, 2013

I was thinking today of the things we tell ourselves and how we feed the machine that lifts us up.  The way we put out the energy we want to get back or the thoughts that we want to be praised for.  That is part of why I don't really do Facebook and instead write to an anonymous world.  Really I'm writing to me. I'm processing my thoughts and examining my life.  He fascinates me.  He frightens me.  He said to me that he was an open book and then I shared my blog and he realized that I was more open but not quite open enough. legs were closed.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Thursday, June 6, 2013