Friday, July 12, 2013

I will just do it

get it done!

Today I want to go to the movies - alone - and eat junk food and laugh.  I would then go to a restaurant and have a light meal and a glass of wine and I would organize my thoughts.  I would list the issues in my life that need resolution and then I would think of every possible resolution.

This money would have to come from somewhere ... I would regret it tomorrow.  Usually when I do this I take one of the children with me.  It is a nice opportunity to bond.

This summer has been different than I had planned.  It has been full of things to overcome.  Sometimes get so focused on getting out of our poverty that I forget to be grateful for this moment and how fortunate we are to have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  When I passed my last graduate class I just had this overwhelming sense of relief.  I was so tired at the end that I just pushed.  The next day the next class started.  I am 4 classes from my Master's and it feels good.  It felt good to get through the last one.  I really need to put my shoulder to the grindstone, as they say.

I spend way to much time frustrated at the fact that things are not working as I feel they should but I have to admit I have't done all I can to train and motivate my children to do things as I feel they should be done.  That is the plan for today.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Grass is Always Greener

It's summer and I am at home with the kids.  My summer hasn't really been child centered.  I have jumped from one obligation to the next, some more fun than others.  I have taken up Portuguese.  I have worked on my graduate school class and I have tried to get my children to recognize and take responsibility for their chores.

Life is such a struggle that I felt like I hurled my beaten bloodied body over the finish line of that last class no longer even aware of my ranking.  I fell to the ground hoping that it would be judged favorably but even as my eyes closed I knew what I would have done if...

During the school year I run around trying to at least do the minimum to maintain some reasonable quality of life.  By my own measure at the time I have failed in this time and time again.  In retrospect the stress was for naught and we were okay.

This week we switch back to academics so that my children don't fall behind over the summer.  They need to be doing timed drills and reading.  This gives me time to do my own studying and then no one has to fight over who gets to choose the television channel.

I am almost ready to go back to work?!  What's wrong with me.