Monday, July 10, 2017

Insomnia - Day 4 without caffeine

So everything is a mess.  There is folded laundry all over the sofa, dirty dishes on the counter and in the sink and clean dishes in the dishwasher.  There are books in front of the bookshelf and papers covering my desk and around my room on the floor even...and as disappointed as I am by the look of it all I seem to be unable to make myself fix it right now consumed as I am with ... with ... progress?

Two things happened today that made me want to throw in the towel and look beyond the here again.  I think I'll be okay with whatever happens because it will mean that I stay and fight or I work to move on.  I'll be alright with either.

I want to wake up early every morning to sit in my office and write.  I want to find the stories I have lived and imagined and get them bound neatly in leather for posterity.  I want to stand in my window and drink tea, and make plans.  I want to be able to enjoy a moment in which everyone is okay or working on getting there and understanding about how life is and I want to be secure in the knowledge that I've taught them how to appreciate the journey and enjoy the stories that are their lives, in all of their fullness and complexity.

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